Thursday, April 8, 2010

What the HELL is she wearing?

Oh my god. I came across this picture and I'm honestly just so confused, and not just by the fabric RiRi is wearing as clothing, but by her hair, by the alarmingly sharp looking studs on her shoulders and her floating microphone. This is NOT the way to dress yourself in public, or alone in privacy for that matter, because God only knows what one could have planned while wearing this....thing. I usually back Rihanna, even when she petitions to get raped in her lyrics (cue "Rude Boy"), but this is just so bizarre. I'd like to point out how convenient it is that a strip of fabric is covering her nipple (thank god). Obviously the "designer" of this item had everything covered! NOT. Let's evaluate the missing gaps of "thing." Where did they go? Did she eat them? Did the designer eat them? Did Rihanna eat too much backstage and burst through the "thing?" Is she short on cash and couldn't afford to purchase enough fabric to cover her entire body, or is the creation of this "thing" due to the fact that her stylist is a total reet (retard) and the only on Rihanna could afford? One would anticipate that after all the "What Not to Wear" sections of celebrity magazines in which Rihanna has frequented, she MIGHT get the point that the public often considers her somewhat of an oddity (understatement). I can guarantee that Chris Brown is looking at this picture thanking his lucky stars that he doesn't have to be this person's "boo" anymore. This outfit has led me to the definite conclusion that Chris Brown did much more than just physical damage to Rihanna when he beat her up because it is quite clear that mental damage also occurred. No one in their right mind would wear this, I mean it just does not make sense- the shoulder studs, the carefully measured missing portions of "thing," the floating microphone and a hairstyle which makes it look as if she is bald on the right side of her head. Why? Why is she doing this to herself, to me and my eyes? And to the poor children in China who had to make the fabric? I really wish she hadn't worn this, it's just upsetting on way too many levels, and I think Chris Brown is partially to blame. Shame on you, Chris!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Miley's Latest Work: "The Last Song"

This Easter weekend I had the pleasure of going to see Miley Cyrus give acting another shot in her latest movie, "The Last Song." Do I regret my decision to spend 8.99 to watch Miley pout and suck the face of someone four-hundred and ninety-eight times hotter than her? No, absolutely not. Although the movie did have its ups and downs- the downs were VERY down in fact- and I was found myself often in the dark and unable to follow the seemingly simple story line, I found it bearable, and at times, enjoyable
The movie takes place somewhere in a small town in Florida. Miley's character "Ronnie" (short for Veronica, which quite frankly makes no sense to me whatsoever) is a troubled teen who is forced to move to her Father's house in Florida with her younger brother for the summer. To be brief, Ronnie is a lost teenage soul, who gave up playing the piano after her parents divorced and since then has expressed her emotions through shoplifting, failing her SATs and rejecting her acceptance to Julie Arts.
On her first night in town, Ronnie is obviously out mingling with the locals when she coincidentally and unknowingly meets the LOVE of her life: Will. Will, played by the unbelievably sexy Liam Hemsworth (google him girls, you will NOT be disappointed) is a muscular, superbly tan volleyball player who spills Ronnie's strawberry milkshake all over her as she accidentally strolls through one of his games on the beach.
Anyways, if you have half a brain, you can figure out what happens next: Ronnie and Will fall in love, spend their summer days making out on the beach and saving sea turtles. Trouble in paradise strikes at the halfway point when Ronnie finds out that Liam knows the true identity of the person who burnt down the local church, which up until then had been framed as her father, who, oh, has cancer, which the plot line casually left out for the majority of the movie. Obviously, upon finding this out, Ronnie's world comes crashing down and she dumps Will, who she believes to be a traitor and a liar (really, Ronnie, he was in the middle of telling your dad the truth?) To add to the confusion, the scene prior to Ronnie lashing out, her and Liam proclaim their love for each other (how long had they been "dating," again?) and Liam confesses that pleasing his family is so hard these days ever since his brother died in a car crash a year ago (uhhhhh??)
To be clear, within a period of about ten minutes, Liam and Ronnie exchange the "L" word, Ronnie finds out Liam knows who really burnt the church down, and as a result, feels entirely compelled to call him a liar and lose her shit on the beach while dumping him, and her father is now in the hospital about to die. To say that myself and the rest of the theater were somewhat confused with how all of this happened to unfold, would be an extreme understatement.
The rest of the movie includes scenes of Ronnie and her dying father bonding and spending quality time together- playing the piano, Ronnie learning how to make pancakes, walking on the beach- you know, all the important stuff- during his last living days. His death is slightly melodramatic; Ronnie is in the house when she hears a sound from outside. She proceeds to go to porch, only to find a glass of water knocked over, water on the ground, and her father's limp and dead body sitting in a Muskoka chair. Shocking. Devastated, Ronnie feels that it's up to her to finish the song her father had been working on but was unable to finish due to his illness....hence, "The Last Song"- right?? Anyways, she works day and night before the funeral trying to prefect her father's song. At this point in the movie, Will is MIA. As far as the audience is concerned, he is dead, a ghost and has moved on.
It's the day of the funeral and Ronnie is barely holding on. How is she supposed to go on without her father- the same man she shunned for three years and only decided to pay attention to upon him receiving a death sentence? As Ronnie is about to sit down at the piano and play "The Last Song" for all those at the funeral, the doors to the Church swing open, and there stands Will, looking as sexy as ever. It doesn't matter that no one knew where he was, or whether or not he was even invited to the funeral, he showed up. Ronnie gasps, then smiles and plays her heart out on the piano. The scene is uncomfortably cheesy and we all know what's going to happen next. You got it: after a series of pouting, apologizing and some heavy lip-locking on the beach, Will and Ronnie are back together, Ronnie decides to go to Julies Art, and Will vows to leave Vanderbilt and transfer to Columbia so that the two of them can be together in the city.
The ending would have been perceived as precious and romantic, but I was still too distracted and confused by the hard-to-follow story line, which makes me seriously doubt my intelligence seeing as it was a Miley Cyrus movie. However, if you're in the mood for mushy teen love, some serious eye candy (ahem, Liam Hemsworth, get in me) and feel that you will be able to tolerate Miley Cyrus's permanent pout on her face and poorly masked Southern accent, then I suggest you go see this movie. You might find yourself feeling hurt, however, by the fact that Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus are now dating in the real world. How much does that suck?