The ups and downs of temporary unemployment.

Before I begin, I would like it to be known that I am not forever unemployed and that this fantasy world in which I am currently residing is just temporary- I officially get off my idle ass as of June 20th. For now, however, and since my return to the suburbs of the GTA, I have been, for lack of a better term, a bum. I have been on a thirteen-day vacation. I wake up every morning around 9:30 am by choice (after an untroubled sleep averaging ten to eleven hours- the result of going to bed at the elderly hour of 11:00 pm), make myself a very flavorful and nourishing smoothie (courtesy of a wide selection of fresh fruit, yogurts and juices- all of which I did not pay for), relax either on the couch while channel surfing some of the most wretched morning television to exist or curl up on my porch with my latest novel. After I've digested my wonderful smoothie it's time for my daily exercise: a run along the gloriously polluted Lake Ontario. Seeing as everyone else in society is at work during this time, my runs are peaceful, uninterrupted and judge-free (thanks to a deviated septum and the fact that air enters and exits only one of my nostrils- sexy, right?- I often fall short of oxygen and emit sounds and noises similar to that of a dying bird). I return from my runs feeling both tired and alive, yes, all at the same time. I then spend some time on my living room floor with Jane Fonda from the early 1980s, toning my inner and outer thighs, buttocks, and abdominal muscles. When I turn Jane off, it's time for a nice shower and then a well-deserved lunch. By the time I've eaten my lunch, cleaned up and downloaded the latest episode of Vampire Diaries (Season 1), I'm usually quite exhausted and before I can do anything else, I need a good nap to recharge my batteries. Upon waking up from the most serene one to two hours of my day, it is time to spend some quality time with Ninja Video, my cat and the undeniably appealing cast of Vampire Diaries. By the time I get through two episodes, my mother comes home from work full of energy and conversation. She either starts making dinner or has to go to tennis or some other rendezvous, to which I am not invited (which is never a problem with me). Either way, I am bound to delight in a delectable dish, prepared by either myself or my mother. I always offer to clean up afterward- I mean it's the least I can do, right? These are all the "ups" of being unemployed; I have countless hours to spend as I wish, with little to absolutely no parental supervision, and nobody to make me feel guilty about it in any way. The "ups," however, come to a sudden halt just as the last of the kitchen counters are wiped down. My mother, who has a life and a job, either putters away in the garden for the remainder of the evening, locks herself in the dining room to mark schoolwork (she's an elementary school teacher) or jogs off to some fitness class at her gym. And so, I am alone again. However, it is not so blissful and carefree at this time. Why, you ask? I am suddenly oozing with guilt. Despite the fact that my mother is so happy to have me home and have someone else to talk to other than the cat, she casually reminds me, without fail, every night, in between bites at dinner, that I am making absolutely no money right now, not a cent. And she is so right. I have absolutely zero income at the moment, absolutely nothing. Now, that I am staying at home, with no bills to be paid and no groceries to be bought, this shouldn't lead to me losing sleep at night- and trust me, it doesn't- my means to go out and spend money do not exist. I do not have the financial cushioning to go out for dinner with friends, enjoy a few rounds of happy hour, go to Starbucks and pretend to enjoy an over-priced coffee, or go bowling. As a result of my temporary unemployment, my life and self-confidence no longer exist after 8 pm- nor does my social life. As I struggle to find a comfortable position on the couch (which was SO effortless earlier that day) my mind is racing with anxiety over poverty, idleness and self-doubt. I am no longer enjoying myself, I am suddenly bored, nervous and ashamed. I feel trapped on that couch, alone and afraid that this feeling will never go away. After watching a wide variety of crap on the television- crap that I used to be able to enjoy so easily- provided by either Slice, TLC or the Women's Channel (unusually fabulous by the way, just fabulous) I decide that I can no longer endure any more "downs" of temporary unemployment and decide to call it a night. I head upstairs with low spirits, brush my teeth, wash my face (meh, if I feel like it) and crawl into bed. I usually just lay there for a good five or ten minutes, reflecting on the failure I have become and I begin to panic over the possibility that I will forever lead an idle, undeserving and pathetic life. It isn't until I remember that I really want to know how Olivia, the main character in the novel I am presently reading, is doing and what type of conundrum she's gotten herself into, that I quickly push my woes to the back of mind and reach for my book. I turn my lights out about twenty minutes later and before dozing off into a splendidly long sleep, sigh a big sigh of relief knowing that I won't have to worry about a thing, more specifically my current and very temporary unemployment, until 8pm the next night.