My French Teacher

My french teacher is a serious mystery to me. First off, he has the most atrocious french accent I have ever heard- he is the epitome of that dirty, unbearable Quebecois accent. And he makes it rain when he speaks- luckily I sit far enough away from him to avoid getting wet. Anyway, the fact that his accent makes me cringe is not the subject of this post. The real mystery surrounding my french teacher is his fashion- if we can even call it that. His favorite brand is Lacoste. How do I know this? He has showed up to every single class except for one, wearing either a Lacoste polo, male cardigan, blazer or turtleneck. The turtleneck was hands down the worst of his wardrobe choices, seeing as men should not wear turtlenecks, especially if they have breasts and Oprah-like rolls, which he definitely does. His hair is another story- he looks like Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons except with an added ten pounds of product. He's also fat, so like, I won't even go there. I know it may seem like I'm being a bitch, but that's because I am. If a man has enough money to buy Lacoste polos and other assorted garments, then he also must have enough money to get a personal trainer, stylist and a haircut. We get it buddy, you like Lacoste, but guess what? You still look like an idiot and all 75 students in your class have to not only listen to you, but look at you for 3 hours a week. My eyes are about to fall out. And this man is clearly very intelligent; he is teaching a French Literature course at a competitive university and is working on his second PhD. Thus, this man is not mentally retarded or anything, making his wardrobe and hairstyle an absolute mystery. If you are rich enough to buy Lacoste polos in bulk, then you must have enough money to buy a mirror to acknowledge your faults, and then buy a stylist and maybe a personal trainer. It pains me to see wealthy people dress foolishly. If you have money, then please, do something respectable with it, by ensuring your your fashion, figure and hair does not make me want to commit suicide.